Boy, I sure coulda used more shuteye, you know that?
Yep.
What's the matter?
I don't seem to have my keys.
Oh.
Well, use mine.
That's a good thing about havin' two sets...
You never have to worry, uh...What the...
What's the matter?
Uh...
I don't seem to have mine either.
How are we gonna get in?
I don't know.
Otis.
Friday night...
He musta come in with a load last night
and locked hisself up.
I'll bet. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, there he is.
Otis?
Otis! Hey, Otis!
Let us in!
Otis! Otis!
Hey, Otis!
Oh, uh, we're locked out.
Well, he can't hear us.
We might as well go around the back.
Yeah.
Otis?
Hey, Otis!
Otis, wake up.
We got to get in there.
Hey, Otis, it's me, up here.
Where?
At the window.
Hey, Otis?
Go unlock the front door, will ya?
We don't have our keys.
Oh, all right.
Try to get some sleep around here, just try!
Ah, this place is gettin' as bad as home.
Might just as well go home and sleep
and listen to that wife'a mine
yammer, yammer, yammer, yammer away.
Aw...
Thanks, Otis.
Sorry to wake you.
Okay, okay. Bring your keys next time, will ya?
What you so grouchy about?
I didn't get my full eight hours
and when I don't get my full eight hours
I'm grouchy.
Do you mind?
Mmm.
We better remember to bring our keys hereafter.
Anything in the mail?
Naw, nothin' much.
It's all for the same guy...
Occupant
occupant
occupant...
Oh! Here's a card from the hubacher brothers
up at the state prison.
Oh. What does it say?
Well, let's see.
It says, uh, "hi from state prison."
"Celebrated our second anniversary here last Saturday.
"The boys in our row got together
"and threw us a little party.
"It was real nice.
"Junior sang 'my little grey home in the west'
and when he got done, we noticed the warden was wiping his eyes."
That's sweet, you know that?
Yeah.
Has it been two years already?
Yeah. Yeah.
Seems like it was just yesterday
they was wavin' good-bye to us
from the back of that prison Van, don't it?
Yeah. You know, we oughta
take a ride up there some sunday and surprise them.
Let's do it.
Hey, here's a letter for Otis.
For Otis? Yeah.
Otis!
Huh?
There's a letter here for you.
For me?
Yeah.
Who'd be sendin' you a letter to this address?
Well, I don't know why they shouldn't.
It's sure his home away from home.
Would you mind readin' it for me, Andy?
I ain't got my glasses.
Can't you read without 'em?
Only labels.
All right, says, uh...
Says, "dear Otis: Your brother Ralph and I"
"will be passin' through mayberry on our way to Memphis
"and are lookin' forward to seein' ya.
Should be there sometime early Saturday afternoon."
That's today.
Yeah.
Says, "it's been a long time"
"and I'm lookin' forward to the visit.
"Your sister-in-law, verlaine.
"P.s. Like I told Ralph
"we don't have to worry
"about gettin' any speedin' tickets in mayberry
because you can always take care of it for us. Ha-ha."
What's the "ha
well...
My sister-in-law's got a good sense of humor...
Always laughin'.
I mean that part where she was ha-ha-in'
about you fixin' speedin' tickets.
What's that mean?
Yeah, what does that mean?
Well...on my...
Visits here... Not much to do
so, I, uh, borrowed some'a your stationery
to write a few letters to my brother and sister-in-law.
And?
Well...
Seein' the letterhead on the stationery
I guess maybe they got the idea I work here.
I guess...
They think I work for the sheriff.
Do you know what that is?
That's impersonatin' an officer.
That's a real serious offense.
Do you know what you could get for that? Do you...
Wait a minute, Barney.
Well... I know I done wrong, Andy,
but I figgered what's the harm?
I didn't know they were comin' here.
See, I've always been
the black sheep in my family
and it just felt good changin' colors.
Oh, they was always
holdin' my brother Ralph up as an example
and they'd say...
"Ralph's gonna do real good.
"Ralph's gonna be fine.
Why can't you be more like Ralph?"
Well, they'll come
and see I...
Didn't do as good as Ralph.
Well, my time's up.
I guess I'll go home now...
As long as I got company comin'.
Hey, Otis,
wait a minute.
Huh?
Maybe we can help ya out.
Huh?
Well, long as you got kinfolks comin' and all
and it's just for a short time,
well, what would be the harm
in actually lettin' them think that you do work here?
Are you kiddin'?!
You mean you're actually gonna give Otis a job here?
Well, it's just temporary.
Well, what kind of a job can you give to Otis?
Well, he's irresponsible.
He's careless. He's unreliable.
I'll make him a deputy. Deputy?
You can't do that, Andy.
You just can't do that.
A sheriff's got a right to deputize anybody
in the case of an emergency,
and for Otis, I'd say this is an emergency.
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!
Andy, I...
I... I just don't know what to say.
Don't say anything, Otis.
Just go in the back room there and get shaved and cleaned up.
Do you mean you're actually gonna make Otis a deputy?
The town drunk?
You're makin' him a deputy?
As sheriff, it's my duty
to help out the good citizens of mayberry.
Good citizens?
Otis?
Well, Otis ain't a bad fella.
He's one'a the nicest fellas I know...
Always willin' to help out a neighbor, generous,
and for his drinkin', we don't lock him up
'cause he's botherin' anybody...
It's so's he won't hurt himself.
In a way, that drinkin'
does a good service for the town.
Otis laps it up so fast, the other folks can't get to it.
Hung-over deputy.
Boy.
Oh, you look nice. Don't he look nice, Barn?
Come on over. I'll swear ya in.
That's nice. Uh, raise your right hand.
Do you, Otis Campbell, solemnly swear
to uphold the duties of your office
and conduct yourself in a manner that'll do credit
to the mayberry sheriff's office?
I do.
Good. That's all there is to it.
Now, you're a full-fledged deputy
and you can honestly tell your family you work here.
I been comin' here a long time, Andy,
but I never figured there was a chance for advancement.
I sure appreciate what you're doin'.
That's all right.
'Member, now, it's just for as long as your brother
and sister-in-law are here.
Don't get carried away and try to make an arrest.
Oh, he won't.
Andy? Yeah?
As long as we're goin' through with this,
do you mind if I take over?
There's somethin' you left outta that swearin'-in ceremony.
I don't think I...
If you don't mind...
All right, Otis, repeat after me:
I will be alert at all times.
I will try to look like a deputy and act like a deputy.
I will at no time while wearing the uniform take a drink.
I will try to look like a deputy and act like a deputy.
Otis, I said, "I will at no time..."
Oh, don't help me.
It just comes kinda hard.
I will at no time while wearing the uniform...
Take a drink.
Okay, now, Barn, you satisfied?
Now just a minute. Just a minute.
For the little time he's going to be a deputy,
he might as well look like one.
All right, Otis, 'ten hut!
I said, 'ten hut!
Stand erect, man! Posture! Posture!
Come on! Chin in! Chest out!
Hips forward! Suck in that gut!
The man don't have it. He just don't have it.
All right, let's try it again, Otis.
Suck in the tummy! Hips forward!
Suck in the tummy!
Well, it's got to go somewhere, Barn.
All right, Otis, let's see your salute.
Oh, that's pathetic, isn't it?
All right, Otis, here's your regulation salute.
The right hand is held rigid by your side,
the thumb flat against the forefinger.
With the elbow out
the hand is brought up at a 45-degree angle
with the tip of the index finger touching the visor of the cap
where, upon contact, it is immediately released
with a snap
and restored to its original position
thusly, hi-up-pah-hah
hi-up-pah-hah
hi-up-pah-hah.
You got that? Let's try it.
Hi-up
pah... hahh!
How was that, Barn? Enough snap to it?
Come on, Otis, let's go show your wife
how you look in your uniform.
My brother will be here pretty soon.
Yeah, come on.
Oh... Barney, how's this?
Heaven sakes, don't embarrass me
the way you always do
when we go some place for a visit.
We're not at home
so don't loosen your belt at the table
and don't make those whistling sounds
through your nose while you're eating.
For Pete's sakes, verlaine, it's only my brother.
Yeah? Well, show some respect.
Your brother is a deputy sheriff.
Yeah, well, I don't know about that deputy business.
You still don't believe it, huh?
All I know is we never thought Otis
would ever amount to anything.
He was always more interested
in getting himself boozed up.
They just don't make guys like that deputies.
Yeah, well, I have his latest letter right here.
It's from the sheriff's office and it says...
I know what it says.
Wait till we get up there.
I'll prove it to ya.
I just can't believe that Otis is a deputy.
Otis a deputy?
Well, like I say, miss Campbell,
it was just a way of helpin' Otis
out of an embarrassin' situation,
and if we can do that for him, why not?
But Otis... a deputy?
Well, sure. And don't ya think
he looks kinda sharp in that deputy outfit?
Well, he does fill out the uniform.
Well, not when I suck in my tummy.
Sheriff, you say Otis is a full
uh, temporarily.
And as a deputy, even temporarily
he's gotta uphold the law?
That's right.
And if he comes on any intoxicatin' beverages
what must he do?
Uh, confiscate it and dispose of it.
That's what I thought.
Rita, what are you gettin' at?
Come with me, sheriff
and deputy.
All right, deputy, now, where is it?
Where's what?
You know what.
That intoxicatin' beverage
I was talkin' about.
It's in here somewhere.
Now, where is it?
But I don't...
Otis.
Start confiscatin'.
Oh...
I hope you're satisfied.
Now your plant's gonna die.
All right, deputy,
now dispose of it.
Oh, now, wait.
Andy don't want me to...
Oh, yes. Yes, I do.
But the government doesn't want us to waste food.
Oh...
Down the hatch.
And I really mean down the hatch.
Otis, you don't think it's them already, do you?
Hello, Rita.
Hello, verlaine.
Rita, hi.
It's good to see you.
How was the trip?
Oh, fine.
Verlaine, Ralph, how are ya?
Oh, just look at you.
Hi there, Otis.
You've been puttin' a little on
haven't ya?
I've been puttin' it on?
What do you call that butterfly?
That butterfly
is ham hocks and pork chops and...
All right, all right, never mind.
Verlaine, Ralph,
I want you to meet Andy Taylor.
He's our sheriff.
How do you do?
How are ya?
I can't get over you in that uniform.
Oh, you must be so proud of him.
So, uh, Otis here works for ya,
does he, sheriff?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Works real hard, too.
You may not believe it
but sometimes Otis stays around that jail
24, 48 hours straight without leavin'.
He does, does he?
Oh, yeah. You take this mornin'...
Me and Barney, that's my other deputy,
we come down to the jailhouse bright and early.
Don't you think Otis was already there ahead of us.
It's the truth.
Well, what do you do mostly, Otis?
Oh, uh, we-we all have our, uh...
Little jobs on the force.
Uh, Otis's specialty is trackin' down stills.
Stills?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The minute, the minute
anybody starts makin' moonshine around this area
Otis sniffs 'em right out.
And then you know what he does?
He goes right down there
where they're makin' the stuff
and brings it all back right by hisself, don't ya, Otis?
Yeah. I did that just last night, didn't I?
Yeah, yeah, you did.
Me and Barney, we often wonder
just how you can track down these stills so good.
Oh, I don't know.
I... guess I just got a good smeller.
Well, I better get on back to work.
Nice to meet you, Mrs. Campbell, Mr. Campbell.
See ya back at the office, deputy.
So long, Andy.
Oh, verlaine, honey,
you must want to freshen up.
Come on.
I work out every day.
I should do some workin' out, yeah.
Say, uh...
Now that the coast is clear
how about a little snort?
Huh?
You know, a snort, a shot, a taste, you know?
Cocktail time.
What are you talkin' about?
Otis, now that you're a deputy
and you confiscate all that stuff, uh...
You must save a little home for your own private use.
Where is it?
I don't have any of that stuff around here.
I don't understand you, Otis.
You always had a taste for the stuff.
Now, what's happened to ya?
Well, I've reformed.
Now I'm a deputy.
Everything worked out fine, Barn.
Otis's brother and sister-in-law
was just as proud of him.
You still don't like it, huh?
No, I don't like it, Andy, and I'll tell ya why.
By makin' Otis a deputy, we was falsifyin'...
A plain case of falsifyin'.
Now, it just ain't right to falsify.
But it's just a little disguise for a little time.
Otis gets to save face and nobody gets hurt.
Now, what's the harm in that?
Well, the harm is in falsifyin'.
Maybe you and Otis like to falsify
but I don't like to falsify.
You never know how these things
are gonna turn out bad.
On the other hand, you never know
how these things might turn out good.
Yeah... well...
I still think it's wrong to falsify.
Well, howdy, Otis. Family left yet?
No.
Well... what in the world's the matter?
I don't know.
I... can't find my brother.
Can't find your brother?
Reckon where he is?
Oh, I don't know.
We all ate lunch and...
He just left.
Said he was gonna take a walk around the countryside.
I know what he's doin'.
He's goin' around tryin' to find out
am I really a deputy.
Just didn't work, Andy.
My brother Ralph didn't believe any of it.
Well, that's the way I do it back home.
How do you folks do it here?
That's your brother?
The one you was so worried about?
The one you was so anxious to impress?
The one your family was always holdin' up to you as an example?
Ralph Campbell, I'm ashamed of you.
You're a guest here, and what do you do?
You go out and break the law.
You know this is a dry county.
There ain't no drinkin' here.
Look at you... drunk as a skunk.
You know what you did?
You embarrassed me in front of my friends
that's what you did.
Ralph, I'm ashamed of you.
I'm just plain ashamed of you.
You're right, Otis.
You're absolutely right.
But I gotta tell ya something.
I got drunk because... Today is Saturday.
That's what I do back home.
You know why, Otis?
Because back home I'm the town drunk.
Tell ya something else, Otis.
I always thought you liked to booze it up, like me.
I-I never really believed you was a deputy.
Now that I'm here, I see it.
Well, I'll tell ya something else, Otis.
If you can do it, so can I.
Yeah, from now on I'm gonna be respectable
just like you.
Ya see, Barn?
You never know how these things might turn out.
Hey, Andy, Otis's clothes are still back there.
Ain't he turned in his uniform yet?
No, but don't worry, he will.
Well, his brother's gone.
He don't have to pretend no more.
Why don't he bring back the uniform?
I said not to worry, Barn.
Otis ain't gonna do anything wrong
while he's in that deputy suit.
Yeah, well, you never can tell.
It's still Otis, you know.
You got to have more faith in Otis than that.
Yeah, why?
Because after what we done for him,
lettin' him play deputy and all,
he'll be so grateful that he'll be a model citizen for a while.
You think so, huh?
Oh, sure.
It'll be a good, long time before Otis takes another drink.
Good long time.
Yeah, well, that may be what you think,
but if you ask me...
Model citizen, huh?
Otis, what's the matter with you?
I'll tell you what's the matter with him.
He's smashed, that's what!
He's stoned! Dashed! And in uniform, too.
Are you drunk, Otis?
Of course not.
I just tried walking all the way from my house
with my tummy sucked in.
It ain't easy.